Death Anxiety…

by lvlupirl

From time to time I feel death anxiety. I don’t really know what to do about it. It usually creeps up at me at days when I’m not meeting anyone or I don’t have anything really to do. Especially at night time. I start to hyperventilate as multiple scenarios of my life past by. I see myself at the hospital bed lying with wires connected to me, and I suddenly start to increase my hyperventilation as tears start to fall from my eyes. A couple days ago I had the worse death anxiety ever, I really had to go and take a walk 2 AM in the night. Having some happy music and thinking about best possible scenarios for me. I notice I’m becoming a person that is like night and day. During the day when I’m meeting other friends, I’m probably the happiest chap around them. Things seems to go well for me, even if I’m a little belated in my studies (sorry mom & dad, will correct my ways). I joke around, I do weird things, I make them laugh, I laugh myself. However when I say good bye, that’s when I feel that I’m truly, deep down, a very lonely person. Still in search for that something that will make my life much better, or should I just accept that I’m a hedgehog. People will stand besides me, but is there really anyone there to give me a long hug?